Check Your #@&*# Bag

Flying is hell. And one of the reasons is too many people don’t check their damn bags before getting on the plane.

Airlines shouldn’t be charging for checking bags, they should charge for bringing more than 1 bag on the plane.

I just flew Southwest Airlines from Cleveland to Baltimore to Long Island and I can’t figure out why so many people insist on not checking their bags, particularly since Southwest promotes Bags Fly Free.

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Not checking bags means security lines are longer. Instead of x-raying 2-3 trays per passenger, the security people scan 5-6 trays or bags. They’re going thru luggage and throwing out toothpaste tubes because they’re too big (a bonanza for Crest and Colgate). Confiscating razors and bottles of moisturizer. (I wonder whether they take all of this home- have you ever seen an airport security person with rough hands?)

It just slows everything down.

Then you board the plane. People are trying to stuff luggage, knap sacks, plastic bags in the overheads. There are more bags than overhead space. And some of the bags are huge.

I put my jacket in the overhead because I don’t want to keep it in my lap and people stuff their bags on top of it. Then I watch the stewardess tell people they can’t put their coats in the overhead and they have to hold it. If they ever say that to me- they’ll need an Air Marshall to remove me from the plane because I will start chanting “Hell No My Coat Won’t Go.”

Passengers just keeping walking to the back of the plane with their luggage, knap sacks, bags only to find there are seats, but no overhead space. Meanwhile the pilot is announcing “Folks put your tush on a cush so we can push” (away from the gate.) Unfortunately they can’t put their tush on a cush cause they can’t lift or fit their luggage into the overheads. And people can’t turn around and go back up front because there are 15 people behind them in the aisle hauling their oversized bags and pushing forward.

It’s runway gridlock.

It’s like the Parade Scene from Animal House when The Stork leads the parade down a dead end and they crash into each other.

It would be so much easier if everyone just checked his or her damn bags at the gate.